Mulayo

I salute the composer of these songs..Thanks to  Macy Gray for the wonderful rendition..Some people are more gifted to capture feelings and translate it into words and lines..Please take time to digest the lyrics..

I am not happy these days, but let me take my time to clear my mind and soul.. I will be ok..Been here and back hehe..My hopes are stronger than any heartaches that will come=)

"Love Is Gonna Get You"

I want too much to be with you
But I’m working night and day
I came all this way to see you
And you tell me you need space
Everyone I know is compatible with somebody I know
I can never get it right
And I don’t know where to go
Stay away from me don’t you ever leave me alone, NO

Love is gonna get you baby
Someday, one day, it will be
A good love that gets me
Love is gonna get ya baby
Someday, one day, I will find
Somebody for me

I have talked to all the experts,
all the psychics…I’ve loved
I have prayed for all the answers
To the game of love above
They all say it’s unanimous
There’s somebody for me
But none of them will tell me
When it is, where he might be
I want to be with you, I just won’t to be alone.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah!

Love is gonna get you baby
Someday, one day, it will be
A good love that gets me
Love is gonna get ya baby
Someday, one day, I will find
Somebody for me

I believe in destiny
I believe it sets me free
Come and save me with your kiss
Been on my best behavior
Friends say I’m looking greater
Won’t you, won’t you, just save me with your kiss
Save me with your kiss
Won’t you just save me with your kiss?

Love is gonna get you baby
Someday, one day, it will be
A good love that gets me
Love is gonna get you baby
Someday, one day, it will be
A good love that gets me
Love is gonna get ya baby
Someday, one day, I will find
Somebody for me

"I try"

Games, changes and fears
When will they go from here
When will they stop
I belive that fate has brought us here
And we should be together babe
But were not
I play it off, but Im dreaming of you
And Ill try to keep my cool, but Im feenin

I try to say goodbye and I choke
Try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, its clear
My world crumbles when you are not here
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, its clear
My world crumbles when you are not here

I may appear to be free
But Im just a prisoner of your love
And I may seem all right and smile when you leave
But my smiles are just a front
Just a front, hey
I play it off, but Im dreaming of you
And Ill try to keep my cool, but Im feenin

I try to say goodbye and I choke
Try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, its clear
My world crumbles when you are not here
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, its clear
My world crumbles when you are not here

Here is my confession
May I be your possession
Boy, I need your touch
Your love, kisses and such
With all my might I try
But this I cant deny
Deny

I play it off, but Im dreaming of you
(but Im dreaming of you babe)
And Ill keep my cool, but Im feenin

I try to say goodbye and I choke (yeah)
Try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide, its clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
(when you are not near aahh)
Goodbye and I choke (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I try to walk away and I stumble (hey, hey, hey)
Though I try to hide it, its clear (say it lord)
My world crumbles when you are not here

Goodbye and I choke (Im choking)
I try to walk away and I stumbe
Though I try to hide it, its clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
(when you are not near, yeah, yeah yeah)
Yeah, yeah..

This had happened before mga 10 or 12 years old ata ako, and sobrang ayoko na syang mangyari ulit, it was an experience siguro na I wish I never had.. Well, unluckily its happening again..eto I have an infection at sa dinami dami ng pdeng tubuan sa muka ko pa ang kagandahan lang mga its on my upper lip..Nung una I thought its just a pimplet so as usual eh di tiniris ko hayun ngayon muka na syang mother of all pimple..pde na akong pumasang kapalit ni Nanny McPhee.. What makes it more irritating is that the anti biotics I’m taking seem to have no effect at all and the inflammation is getting bigger each day..So kahit na ayaw ko mag paospital I have decided to have this skin sliced tomorrow. I don’t know pero sadya atang "marumi" ang dugo ko..or sabi ko nga siguro sa sobrang kapagurang my immune system has reached its limit kaya it can no longer fight the infection..

Its so hard to get sick specially kapag malayo ka sa pamilya mo.. How I wish nanay is here with me right now para man lang me mag-alaga sa akin. I hate it kapag nagiging pabigat ako sa iba si nanay lang talaga ang pdeng makapagpakalma sa akin..I’ve been stuck sa dorm since monday afternoon, I can’t eat sa cafeteria kasi ayoko makita nila ang itsura ko ngayon. I wish to talk to someone more pero mukang busy sya..sana nandito rin  sya. Sana naiisip sya kung gaano ko sya kailangan..kainis ang layo nya kasi. I can’t help it, but I’m getting too sensitive again, I feel like this is the best time to know who among the people around me really cares for me.

Kasabay ng "bartolina" ay ang pag-iisip ng kung anu-ano.I might also be having infection on my mind pero sana not on what I believe in.I regret saying things last weekend pero I never intended to hurt or scare anyone, I’m just being honest. Pero sana makayanan namin to, I hope our efforts won’t be put to waste. Minsan mas pinuproblema pa natin ang bagay na maaring mangyari.I know its my choice and I hope i’m doin it right..

After 5 months..Sobrang miss ko na ang LB, my home away from home.. Below are the lists of the things I miss..

1. My  room- kung san nakapaste ang pictures ng aking mga cute na pamangkin..and bed ko..and unan ko..

2. My apartment..ang mga kapitbahay ko.. Tita Mila and her kwentos..Yuan and the rest of the Kids..

3. Boninay-my little "sister", her kakulitan, ang kanyang reklamo, ang kanyang mga tanong, her angelic face.

4. Officemates–Reianne and Chapronk.. Our breakfast sa engineering, ang kulitan sa tanghali..ang gimik sa Joe’s hehe

5. Lakad from office gang bahay–sobrang gusto ko tong gawin lakad mag-isa habang iniisa-isang isipin ang mga di dapat isipin heheh.. its my way of distressing ..

6.Simba sa St. therese-ito na ata ang pinakasolemn na place sa akin sa LB..Galing ng lectors and commentators hehe parang nagbabalita hehe Good English pronunciation at nice choir..

7. Coffee Blends and Glaxo–my two favorite "whinning" places with either nancy and chenie..the two ladies I miss most..ang iba-ibang frappe’s ni Karen at ang blueberry cheesecake..Sa glaxo naman ay ang sisig hay sarap !! plus kangkong with pork and oyster’s sauce..

8.Reith- ang masarap nilang pork barbecue, sinigang, puso ng saging, cakes, spaghetti na maraming meat at sauce and palabok saka minsan sinukmani..

9. Mercury–heheh kung san ako most of the time bumababa para bumili ng kung ano-anu hehe..

10. My bosses-lalo na si Mam Nelly at ang Biotech staffs..nakakamiss ang pagiging nanay ni Madam and Luto ni tatang, ang boses ni Tita Del at ang kalokohan ni Lino at Mang Estoy..

11. The concerts and plays–medio unti lang napanuod ko pero sulit naman..more..more..more..

12. My orgs lalo na ang Uphilsams.. si ate tess.. brods at sisses..ang finals hehe..

13. My office, my banana files, my computers, project laptop..

14. Superfriends..Bjorn’s kwentos, Maan’s sweetness, Nancy’s smartness and  Vida’s sermons joke

15. My weekend bahay..san pa kina Lany..miss my inaanak at syempre si Kumare.

16. LB in general–LB square, demarses, vega, indios (lechon kawali)bean hub (spghetti and cofee), admi. (lalo na pagswelduhan), raymundo (ang mga mukang bagong gising na estudyante)..Biosci..SEARCA (pag sinusundo ko si nancy)..Humanities (lalo na yung dadaan ako sa harapan ehhe ewan kinakabahan ako everytime weird)..Physci(hmm sino kaya taga don? ehhe)..ang mga tulay.. forestry (Philip. HS for the arts–sulit ang panunuod namin ng recitals ni Chex)..Umali hall (ang pagsali ko sa faculty follies sobrang ikli lang pla ng exposure ko hehe)..dorm..freedom park (ROTC days..Fair at simpleng picnic at strolling) Agronomy (kung san feling ko sikat ako ehheh)..Office (ang umagang mga trips habang nakaupo si Mang Boy at iniintay ako) Engineering (Intayan ng sasakyan pauwi), Irri Canteen (mura na masarap pa maganda pa ang ambiance)..St therese (wednesday and sunday mass) at admi ulit (ang busses ng biotech at IPB na hinhabol ko kasi late nako hehe..

Tagal pa uwi hayyyy..

Its been quite a while since nagblog ako..Been too busy sa lab as always busy doing experiments, field works at writing articles. Life in Korea is indeed full of surprises, if your going to monitor my moods and my thoughts, I’m so sure I’ll fail the psycho test.. Please let me elaborate these “surprises” part by part..

Life in the Lab

As of the moment, we are only three left dito sa lab, umalis na yung isang Korean, sabi he found a job daw, so kaya umalis..Good for him hope that’s really his reason at hindi dahil gusto nia lang takasan ang hirap ng lab and field works. Last week was the last week of the semester, time passes really fast, and I considered it as the most difficult week I had ever since I came. Medio nagkairitahan kami ng senior ko kaya mataas ang tension sa lab buti na lang at nakakapagpigil ako hehe.. Thanks to my Filipino friends na nakikinig sa aking mga reklamo.. Anyways, good thing is tapos na sya and I learned so much from that experience. Una tanggapin na I’m just a junior at kailangan kung sundin si senior hehe Second, sa labanan ng tiisin at walang batian talo ako, hence wag na hayaang maulit ulit. Third walang maidudulot ang makipagsabayan ng galit..let time pass at everything will be brought to normal.. Fourth, there are really people na no matter how long mo makasama di mo talaga kayang timplahin ang ugali hehe.

Friends

Filipino friends were so helpful to me these past week, buti na lang they kept on listening to my whines hehe..salamat sa night out, long talks about life and love hehe and a cup of coffee..hehe. Sa week na rin na to na realized ko how important it is to have a circle of friends and not just a single friend, kasi pag di sya pde pano ka na??. I feel guilty na meron akong dapat na kinakausap pero di ko ginagawa, my tendency kasi eh mag-alibi about things pero in reality I am making myself distant because I don’t want to let my friend choose between two friends gets? magulo hehe.. I wish she’s happy.

L-life

This seems to be the most interesting and I bet lahat kayo eto ang gusto malaman hehe.. Sorry to say I won’t give details pero sneak preview pde.. O sya I confess I’m enjoying the thrill of knowing somebody is interested on me.. sabi ko na nga ba eh me market pa din ako hehe Joke.. Ewan ko ba, I really know myself kaya mas natatakot ako, I easily fall but it so hard for me to let go. Minsan kasi kahit sinasabi nya na lahat ng gusto mo marinig because of your past experiences you just can’t remove the fear to make that RISK. I know it’s unfair to think na gagawin din nya sa akin ang ginawa ng iba pero for now, I think I still have to pile in more courage. Gusto ko sya kung sa gusto pero I need more reasons for me to go for it.

Sana lang maalis nia lahat ng doubts ko..sana.. hehe Kung hinde?? Eh di back to reality hehe.. I’ve been used to being alone so ano pang bago hehe..

Time: 8:30 PM Location: Crop Production Laboratory

I’m all alone here at the lab, just finished my korean classes and as always I feel bad kasi I have lots of mistakes again with my homeworks. I am really confused when to use "i" and "ka", but hopefully things will be configured if I’ll spend more time studying. Anyways, studying seem to be as I mentioned in my previous blog a not priority here, I just can’t understand, well have no choice but to conform.

I feel like writing today, siguro to again share my thoughts to at least lessen the burden feeling that i’ve been carrying since this morning. With not so much a do.. we’ll i had a bad chat with my brothers last night, i felt that i’ve been really harsh on my words but at the same time vindicated on my point. True, i realized that i really sound like a have the monopoly of rationality when in fact I could have reacted in a different way. Sana na lang my brothers would understand, sorry KUYA and Otek. I should have focused more on how to settle things up and not pushed to what has been agreed upon. Anyways, to my Kuya and Otek, sorry, I do hope you’ll still go to the interview or kung di talaga possible, maybe its not really the time.

The title of my blog is "teacher’s day", obviously its teacher’s day today and last sunday was mother’s day and I’m guilty of not greeting my mom and my ate, i wished to but have no more money to buy a fone card (bad reason). Going back to the teacher’s day thing, Koreans celebrate teacher’s day in a so different way. In my entire college life, I never heard about this day, the last thing I remember celebrating teacher’s day was when I was in highschool and most of the time in Saint Dominic its a half holiday. Enough of the Philippines hehe, back to my story telling, this morning when i came to the lab, all the undergraduates were very busy blowing balloons of different colors and making a poster size letter to the professor. My labmate had told me that this day was really one of the special day here in university but I never expected it to be that "special". When professor came, all student suddenly become too "angelic" — i.e. all smiles and greeting the professor, then somebody brought a cake and then all of them started to sing (i guess it’s the song for the teachers ano pa di ba?). Flowers from different alumni started to be delivered, as of my last counting siguro professor had already five to six bouquets (buti pa sya hehe). The celebration does not end with the eating of the cake, it has a continuation tonight but unluckily i have a class and was not able to go hence i’m writing this blog.

I find it really weird how this day is being celebrated, don’t get me wrong, I do believe that teaching is the most noble job in the entire planet and teachers must be given such high respect. Pero i think how they celebrate it is so extravagant, well siguro this conclusion could be the result of me coming from a thirld world country. Kasi for me the more simple and more practical the better, ika nga its the thought that counts. Anyways, I just wonder how much more will they spend if it would be a birthday of someone, pero if i remember it right, when it was the birthday of my senior korean labmate, i think he never received anything from the professor at all worst i think the professor didn’t even know. I have seen how Korean showed respect, yeah they will really fall under the most polite person in the world. But ironically, most of them will only show respect in front of the professors, I’ve seen some who made "funny faces" once they turned their backs from the professors. Students, in general,  here I think have this "mask’ what i mean is, if the   professor is around, they will project to be doing something like reading, cleaning etc, in short busy with the laboratory works but in his absence, you can expect them to be doing something else moreso they won’t even do what is expected from them

Ewan pero I believe that respect is better gained, should be given voluntarily and not be demanded. Kaya whether present or absent ang taong ginagalang mo, walang magbabago. You look up on him/her not because of what he/she has but how they are to you.

Thnks for reading..

Ilyn thanks for being my conscience..

Yan ang nararamdaman ko ngayon!! Bwiset na fonecard..Nauubos pero di ko namn naririnig ang boses ng mga tinatawagan ko…haaaaa kainisss…

The main reason why i really wanted to call is just to greet my ate enda, happy birthday! Pero got damn frustrated on pressing so many numbers and yet can’t even heard a sound from the other line but the ring!!

Well, wala naman akong magawa kaya.I just have to blurt out my feelings!!  Kaya susulat ko nalang gusto ko sabihin para sa ate ko!

To my one and only ate,

How I wish kasama mo ako ngayon, sana masaya ang birthday mo at I really hope and will pray hard na you get well soon. Sana patuloy kang lumaban, kailangan ka namin lalo na ng mga bata. If only i have ways to help you and do two things at the same time gagawin ko. Thanks for all the good things na ginawa mo sa akin, the unconditional love, you are an inspiration kung paano dapat maging simple at paano dapat iappreciate ang mga maliliit na bagay. I won’t promise pero I’ll do my best that all my nephews and niece will be devoided of the hardships we had experienced. I will forever cherish all the little moments that we’ve shared.Palakas ka and don’t be afraid nandito kami..

love,

Nane

Two months na nga eversince I arrived, well ang masasabi ko lang…Coping.. surviving..heheh… Well, as expected, i have my doses of mood swings.. There are moments that I really regret going here, i felt like the "physical things" on me that I took care for years will be gone instantly worst here in a foreign land. But at the end of the day, the thought that after this "sacrifice" will be a brighter, convenient and much hassle-free life and future encourages,inspire, push me to continue.. Moreso "hitting two birds at one stone", diploma at the same time helping my family, make this sacrifice worth experiencing..

Reality

Studying in KNU is indeed physically tiring,  working at the greenhouse almost everyday entails not only physical strength but also presence of mind..Pag sobrang pagod ka na kasi you become automatic at di ka na masyado makapagconcentrate on details. Proof that it is really hard work?? Eto!!

1. There was a time na we need to prepare 120 pots, just me and my labmate..What I mean with preparing of pots was sieving paddy soil using a spade, placing it to a 2-3 kg bucket and then transferring it to square-shaped plastic container (pots).

2. After three hours or more of paddling, we need to carry these pots to the greenhouse, it’s not that far though. First step is to lift two to three pots at the same time and load it to a cart for easy transport, which means carrying a minimum of 6 to 9 kgs. The cart could accomodate a maximum of 30-40 soil-filled pots. Beyond this number, it would be very difficult for me and my labmate to push it. After the "pot-loading" we need to unload the pots and place them to the benches inside the greenhouse  making the pot "carrying session" twice. By the way i forgot to mention, the pots should be dirt-free before use so that means, prior to this activity, we have to clean all of those pots..

3. Because of these "unending" pot carrying and liftings, the tips of my fingers already developed blisters. Take note I am already using gloves!! Buti na lang, I have lotion and vaseline to at least delay the morphing of my hands to a certified "kargador" texture.

4. After pot preparation, this will be followed either by sowing of weed seeds, puddling-putting water to the pots and mixing the soil, treating samples with herbicide and wood vinegar or collecting samples for analysis using liquid nitrogen.

5. At night, there came the laboratory works, these include, reagent preparations, pounding of samples using mortar and pestle, sieving, vortexing, centrifuging, weighing and lastly cleaning of all glasswares.

Beyond this hard works, i, as always, realized a lot of things, foremost of which is how people engaged on works like building construction and  canal making were really underpaid and that I feel blessed that I am lucky enough not to experience such things we call "hard works" medio malapit-lapit lang ehhe

Lab-life

You read it right "lab life" meaning laboratory life not love life hehe asa pa. My labmates surprisingly had never changed they seldom talk to me and it would be unusual if they will even start a small conversation. There were even days that no single word is spoken san ka pa. And no matter how perfectly we scheduled our activities, it will all be futile kasi namn they will have their own schedule for us that we will only know during the day itself.

Souliya my Lao labmate, is really a pain in the ass during the first weeks, I felt like he is monitoring all my movements, he always like asking what am i doing at this time, do this thing or finish this for me. Pero dahil mas bwiset ako nagdialogue ako na "you know what you sound like giving orders" at dedma ako lalo na pag pagod ako hehe.. So sa ngayon, he knows how to use the word please or start a question with "could you" heheh..

Weird moments

roommate–The weirdest of all is my room-mate, an orthondontics masters from thailand, he is a member of the thai softball team bigatin heheh.. What makes him weird?? aba drakula ata ginagawang umaga ang gabi and vice versa. I really have difficulty sleeping with lights on..eh kahit patay na yung light ng room, his lampshade is too bright for me.. bwiset..another weird about him? he never socialize me sariling mundo ika nga..at me lahi atang ahas, hahah kung san naghubad dun din iiwang ang damit..hay

Communal bathroom.. I already knew about this before I came here pero personally experiencing it is differrent. Aba buti pa ibang tao makikita buong kaluluwa ko ehhe.. The first time I took the shower totally naked, my heart is really pounding, buti na lang at wala akong nakasabay, pero the succeeding times, wala na lang pakialaman heheh kuskos kung kuskos.. hehe sabon dito sabon dun ahha..Trivia..it really doesn’t come with height, pero mas payat mas panalo hehehe

Spa- the spa adventure happened at my most unexpected day. Here’s the story, after doing some "farmer works" together with all the korean labmates both graduate and undergraduates, on our supposedly way back to the campus bigla na lang kaming napunta sa isang mabundok na lugar na parang me supermarket, sabi ko ahh siguro kakain lang kami then after drinking a cup of coffee me inabot na ticket..tanong ko "what is this for?" then my lao labmate said "i think this is a spa".. OMG!! my most feared scenario..I asked again "now?" at ayun na nga pumasok na kami sa spa.. Hoala!!! All men naked.. sabi ng prof ko "take off all your clothes" Patay!!.. so wala na akong nagawa ehhehe..Imagine seeing all your labmates plus your professor fully naked walkingg and swimming san ka pa!!!!

TO BE CONTINUED….

My soul’s voice is captured by this song. Too lonely yet determined to live with the pains..

Goodbye to Love (Carpenters)

I’ll say goodbye to love

No one ever cared if i should live or die

Time and time again the chance for love has passed me by

And all I know of ove is to live without it

I just can’t seem to find it

So i’ve made my mind up that I should live my life alone

Although its not the easy way

I guess Ive always known

I’d say goodbye to love

There are no tomorrows for this heart of mine

Surely time willlose this bitter memories

And i’ll find that there is someone to believe in

And to live for something I could live for

All the years of useless search

Has finally reached an end

Loneliness and emptiness days will only be my only friend

From this day love is forgotten

I’ll go on as best as I can

What lies in the future is a mystery to us all

No one can predict the wheel of fortune as it falls

There might come a time that I will see that I ‘ve been wrong

But for now this is my song

And its goodbye to love

I’ll say goodbye to love

Its been 9 days when I arrived here sa KNU, things where going well pa naman. My labmate from Lao is quite fine, his english proficiency can be considered excellent for a non-english speaking nation..My korean labmates, as of the moment, weren’t as strict as I thought they would be, my professor..hmm it seems that he thinks that I knew so much and that i could produce a scientific paper in just a week heheh, challenging though frightening at the same time.

The food in the canteen, wow sabi nga nung isang pinay "muka tayong kambing" why?? we literally eat refrigerated leaves, seeds, and maybe even flowers even during  breakfast. At first, i told myself, "ah very good, my diet will be more healthy" but lately i things were getting into my head "linchuk healthy nga wa naman lasa, more so di ko makain" heheh.Kimchi was really the most popular dish(?), it is being offered on breakfast, lunch and dinner and maybe if there would be snacks it will still be present, up to now i still cannot understand why such leafy and hot tasting fermented cabbage has a magnet to korean taste, maybe it could be considered just like "patis" for me..Anyways, as of the moment I can still tolerate the food, hopefully it will last up to the time that i’m still here.But you know, the main reason why I still eat in the cafeteria?? kasi libre heheh its a package once you chose to stay at the dormitory..

The dorm life was most interesting.I live on the third floor with a Thai who’s majoring in orthodontics.Gusto ko nga magpagawa ng braces eh hehe. He was a member of the Thai softball national team whew! samantalang ako sipa lang ata pde hehe.My rum is very conducive, i have cabinet, shelf, shoe rock, table and even a telephone hehe PLUS i have a 24 hour free internet connection, kaso lang i dont have my own laptop kaya its a little bit useless, pero nakakahiram naman ke Lao labmate. We have a heater sa dorm kaya kahit sobrang lamig sa labas na minsan umabaot ng -6C ok lang,but because of the sudden change in the temperature (dorm at outside), i am experiencing nose bleeding.Sabi ko nga sa isang pinoy "pati sipon ko, natutulog na".

The weather is exciting but i must confess i am really having a hard time adapting.My winter clothes werent enough to protect me from the cold.Pero sabi nga ok pa din cause now i have all the reasons to wear the clothes that I saw in the Koreanovelas..By the way, koreans are not so fond of using shades. I dont know why?sabi daw nila its expensive, maybe they just dont like wearing it.Kaya sabi ko sa isang pinoy "Hala pausuhin natin ang shades" heh

My classes started last tues, at kung alin pa ang pinili ko yun pa ang me professor na hindi ng-eenglish san ka pa hehe..Imagine I stayed in the classroom maybe for about 45 minutes and the only thing i understood was the name of the book kasi english ang title at author hehe..Laboratory training is the much of a priority here, so its up to you to maximize everything you could learn, the good thing is they could provide you everything you need. Nga pala I usually — wrong statement, I am forced pla to stay in the Lab from 9 am till the time the professor leaves and sometimes as long as there are korean labamates present. The earliest time to leave?? 9 pm san ka pa..no more social life hayy

Filipino friends were really very helpful, minsan nga naisip ko masyado akong assuming kasi as if they knew me for a long time ang kilos at salita ko, well, i consider them as my family here. Ilyn was my closest among them, she’s my angel and possibly God given instant friend in KNU..we get along that well..

O cia gang dito muna hehe nagsusulat dapat ako ng article ngayon.An article about relationship of nutrient and mineral status of popular korean rice varities. Its an instant article na gagawin ko in seven days..the only thing given was the table of data with mean comparisons, san ka pa.The rest of the text in the article? written in koreans..Hehe imagine discussing something you had no idea how, when, and why it was performed hahah.. so help me God..

I miss everyone..

After a week of despedidas, sa wakas, aalis na ako. As I assessed my 20-month stay in the Philippines after arriving from Taiwan, it seems that I had done everything I planned. I was able to rekindle and establish friendships, experience the feeling of mutual love (?) hehe, join a singing contest (ASC idol) hehe, faculty follies and more importantly find my old self. I had proven that kahit gano kasakit ang pinagdaanan mo kakawala ka rin sa balon ng kalungkutan maniwala ka lang.

Maraming nangyari na masayang balik-balikan at meron din namang sana’y di na lang nangyari but in the end all of these experiences made me who I am today. I learned to control myself more, was able to look at things at different perspective and become more positive and hopeful.

As I always say, I’m not happy but I think I’m fine and ok. Me nabasa ako sabi "when you had reached your ultimate dream that’s the only time you’ll know which really matters"..Hmm I guess its so true, but for me, I think that dream is still a thousand steps away and I also knew that I’m on the right track.

Habang tumatagal I am starting to feel weird about myself. Kasi dati if nasa ganito akong mga pagkakataon I always have a “song” for every situation hehe pero lately parang wala! ewan.. me kumuha ata ng musika ng buhay ko hahaha.. boring..

Ok din pala when you have a long preparation sa pag-alis, bukod sa ma-sked mo lahat ng gusto mong makita at mamit ulet, you have ample time to think the best way to say goodbyes. It’s also funny to think na kung sino pa ang pinagkatagal-tagal kong inisip na sabihan ng “bye” sya pa ang di ko man lang kinontak hehe..siguro things are meant to be that way. I may not have closed the chapter of my book but I had a feeling I’m nearing its last pages.

Before, I was really not the type who shows emotion publicly, pero ngayon parang ang motto ko “eh ano ngayon kung naiiyak ako” hehe..I bid farewell to my ate—sobrang nalulungkot ako if only I have a choice not to leave, how I wish I will be there sa chemotheraphy sessions nia para kahit emotional support man lang makapagbigay ako sa kania, ay sobrang naiiyak ako nun, dun naman ke ate anj, I just hug her tightly sabay hagulgol—parang sabay-sabay kong pinaramdam na how I wish di kami nagkalayo at nagkaawayan, na sa huli I still love her as my cousin, na all I wanted is to be understood.. hay.. My tatay and my tito were able to contain themselves pero sa yakap nila I know they really wish me luck.. Kuya has his way, “ne ingat ka dun ha!!” tatak angelo, kaunting salita pero malalim”..Otek (younger brother) aba niyakap ako ng pagdating sa bahay..di ako sana’y pero magsisinungaling ako pagsinabi kong di ako na touch..Cheng (ang bunso) hay she’s just so malambing to me hehe kahit minsan este most of the time pinagagalitan ko sya..naisip ko she still have to learn a lot of things in this world maybe in her own time, pero sa ngayon I’ll just let her enjoy her age..My nanay was always the same hehe siguro mamimiss nia talaga ang paborito nyang anak..iyakin namn talaga yun.. hehe.. Si ate cel (my closest cousin), ohh sobrang higpit ng yakap nya me kiss pa hehe I hope she’ll be able to fulfill her dreams..My aunties.. one of them say “sorry” I really don’t know kung para san, pero kung ano pa man, sino ba namn ako not to accept it..Strangely, yung isa kong pinsan eh parang nagpapalipad hangin at meron syang linya na parang di ko na-take.. nakakatawa lang kasi di naman sya ang inaaway ko pero sobra syang apektado hehe anyways ok lang naman sa kin, I learned not to be bothered by people who labeled me. Kung alam nya lang, di naman talaga ako pupunta dun kundi dahil ke ate..anyways ok lang yun eh sa ganun eh..I may have a pride pero for the sake of my love ones kaya ko yung kainin ng buong-buo.

To end this “emote” tanong ng isa kong tito.. Ano bang pangarap mo?? Kaya mo ba?? Ang sagot ko—Marami po at kakayanin ko..